//firewall too anyone but me//
Oh yeah, real funny.
I can fight demons twice my size, not a single shiver, I can tell my poofter of a grandsire to stick it up the ass and even kick him in the nose when necessery. yet when it comes to Buffy... I'm a worse coward than old Angelus is.
Oh, I could play it off, say it's about keeping up Buffy's image of me till the cow drops, but I can't lie to myself. Not really.
Not about how it felt to see her with Captain broodypants and know that whatever she might have said, she'd never love me like that.
It'd be easier if I didn't still love her. If she didn't still own my heart and I could just frigging well move on. But...
Oh God, I wanted to go...
I wanted to see her, to have her touch my face, to have her look me in the face and tell me she still meant what she said... I want to so much.
But what if she doesn't?
As long as I don't see her, I don't have to face it, don't have to deal with it. I can still hope, still feel, believe... And the Mouse can't rub it in.
So what else is a bloke supposed to do?